you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
Randomize
