Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
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