Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
