paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
Randomize
