she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
Randomize
