the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
Randomize
