Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
Randomize
