YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
Randomize
