Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
We smell like vodka and hangover
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