Pappa wants mamma naked
I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
Randomize
