and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
Randomize
