Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
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