Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
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