If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
Randomize
