What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
Randomize
