Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
Randomize