thus making me awesome and them whores
He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
Randomize
