I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
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