We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize
