I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
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