I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
Randomize
