I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
Randomize
