there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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