Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
Randomize
