OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
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