$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
Randomize
