and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
We're talking about addictions in class and there's a girl 2 rows in front of me on Farmville. Hello, example.
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
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