there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
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