i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
Randomize
