I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
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