My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
