he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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