yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
Randomize
