Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
Randomize
