I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
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