i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
There's a naked man in my car right now.
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
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