I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
tonight lets celebrate not being married
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
Randomize
