32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
Randomize
