Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
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