My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
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