eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
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