We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
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