Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
Picture Ja Rule and 50 Cent having a sexy full grown love child son...He's on my bus right now, wearing an outside jacket with no shirt underneath. My fashion sense and libido are fighting it out.I'll keep you posted on who wins.
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
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