I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
Randomize
