there's paper in my vomit.
I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
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