Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
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