you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
Randomize
