Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
Randomize
