i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
If that guy asks u bout me, I said my name is Jenelle, from CT, I'm a cat behiavor consultant and I'm 29. Back my story up
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