i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
Randomize
