ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
I think that i just found proof that harry and ginny had sex
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
Randomize
