your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
as a side note pls kill me
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
Randomize
