I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
Randomize
