She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
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