its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
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