If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
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