Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
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