I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
Randomize