Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
my penis made a compromise with my morals
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