I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
Randomize
