fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
Randomize
