Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
Randomize
