He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
stupid gm bankruptcy made me miss the showcase showdown
Those cock suckers. We need to know who's winning the hot tub and the vacation to the alps
apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
You have to summon your inner elephant
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
Randomize
