Sorry, I don't speak sober.
I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
Randomize
