If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
Randomize