I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
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