Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
Randomize
