so I'm never txting u again after today...
y?
cuz i don't wanna see it on blogspot :)
ha...too late
why didn't you poke me back
I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Randomize
