You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
Enjoy the penises
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
Randomize
