she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
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