Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
Randomize
