so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
Randomize
