i blew a .213 what kind of thug blows the compton area code exactly? this guy
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
Randomize
