Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
Randomize
