Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
Randomize
