He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
Randomize
