Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
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