thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
Randomize
