I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
how drunk are you?
Several
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
Randomize