I've been emailing with a woman. I don't think she's into me, but we've become sorta email buddies. I'm hoping to meet her because on her profile she states she's into 'fisting.' Frankly the thought kinda freaks me out but I'm dying to see what kind of woman is 1) into that and 2) admits it upfront.
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
Randomize
