I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
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