on a scale of one to ten, how awkward would it i told him i had to go change my tampon and then left?
11
This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
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