im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
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