singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
Randomize
