Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
Your topless pictures make me question reality
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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