I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
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