Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
Randomize
