and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
do herpes really smell.
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
Randomize
