I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
please don't ironically join a cult
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