for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
Randomize
