Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
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