He said he was just looking at my pictures and was thinking about how he wanted to cut my hair..then dye it black and put platnium blonde extensions throughout it and layer my hair
The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
