You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
Randomize
