Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
Randomize
