Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
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