we're chasing vodka with high fives
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize
